Dreaming of Reality
by Bobbie1
Summary: Bosco sustains an injury after Mikey's wake. While his friends and co-workers await word Bosco encounters some rather unusual occurences, one that includes Mikey. Conclusion posted 815...
1. Default Chapter

If it hadn't happened to me, I never would have believed it. The fact is that it did happen to me and I'm still not sure if I believe it. I keep telling myself that it was only a dream. And maybe it was.

It all started with Faith's words - Hey guys.

From there I don't remember much beyond trying to get out of the line of fire. The next thing I remember was waking up although I didn't feel like I was awake if that makes any sense. What I remember most were the people around me. I mean these were people I knew only knew isn't a term that's applied with the present. Knew is the past.

"I know how you feel." Okay so that was a good sign...at least I thought it was. Maybe I need to think about that.

"What the...Bobby?"

"I meant that in more than one way you know?"

I didn't say much which probably would have surprised some people. At the moment, I was the most surprised person in the picture.

"You know how I feel?" I intercepted. "How the Hell can you say that?"

He winced at a certain 4-letter word.

"What?"

"Nothing," he said, shaking it off. "Like I said...I know how you feel. I felt the same way when it happened to me."

"What happened?" I started to ask only to catch myself.

"You're not sure what's going on...you feel like you're awake...you're sure you're awake only something about it isn't right?"

I nodded for sake of not knowing quite what to say. I mean what are you supposed to do when someone who's dead...when he asks you..."

"Don't worry about it Bosco," he said, waving off my urge to ask a question. "You're not dead. Not yet anyway."

"Yet!" Okay now I was really worried.

"After my friend Paulie shot me....man I'm telling you it was weird. I mean I didn't know what was happening. Next thing I know my old man's talking to me and stuff. My old man had been dead for years but there he was...talking to me."

"Just like you're talking to me?"

"Just like that," he said with that trademark silly Bobby smile.

"So why you?" I questioned. "I mean we saw each other out on the streets but we didn't really know each other?"

"Yeah but since I've been here, I've had a lot more time to keep an eye on things."

"Like what? A guardian angel of something?"

"Me a guardian angel?" Bobby laughed. "No, I mothered people but the guardian angel stuff isn't for me although after watching you these last few years...you could use a guardian angel...maybe two."

"So you're not the angel thing then why are you here? Why am I here?"

"I can't answer that. You gotta figure that out for yourself."

"What can you tell me?"

"It's like I said before. I know how you feel."

"Yeah so you said that."

"I said I understand how you feel on two counts."

"Yeah so?"

"You remember my brother?"

"Yeah...what about him?"

"You and me...we were a lot alike Bosco...more than I ever thought we might be."

"What do you mean?" This was becoming more about questions than answers.

"My brother...you remember Matty?"

"Not really...I mean I remember the name...did some time..."  
  
"Yeah Matty had some problems...he had a lot of problems...drugs...lot of problems as a result of drugs and drinking...any of this sound familiar?"  
  
"Maybe..."

"I know what happened with your brother Bosco."

I really didn't feel like talking about all this especially if it had to do with Mikey.

"You tried Bosco just like I tried with Matty. You played the big brother role....then the man of the house role...you tried to take care of your ma...your family. You did your best but your best wasn't good enough. I know how you feel. I had a brother too."

As much as I wanted to deny it...to argue with him over this...it was no use. He was right...right about all of it. I tried and I failed. I couldn't save my brother.

"Bosco, I tried too but I couldn't save Matty. Yeah he's alive at least he was last time I saw him he was but that's been years. Even if he's still alive...I don't know...I mean what kind of life does he have if he's even still alive? We tried Bos...we tried. That doesn't mean the next time it will be like this. Next time...next time it might not be this way..."

"Next time" I said to myself, sitting down. I leaned over, my head in the palm of my hands.

"He's right you know?"

I knew that voice. Knew...past tense.

"Hey..."

And there she was...short, blond, and ...Alex.

"You're..." I replied, glancing from her lower half to her upper half.

"In one piece?" she said with a smirk. "Things aren't always as they seem."

I glared at her trying to make sense of this. I mean last I knew bullets were flying and now I'm talking to dead people. Does that make sense to you?

It was difficult to look at her. Not that she'd changed all that much from what I remember. I hadn't been there when she'd been...when she'd been killed so I didn't have any memory of that but I heard all about it.

In that memory was also a feeling of guilt...that somehow in everything that was going down with Noble, I'd been partially responsible for Taylor's death.

"It's not your fault you know?" she said, cutting off my thought.

"What?" I asked.

"You blame yourself for my being killed," she explained. "It wasn't your fault."

"No? But I didn't tell anyone about the car."

"You didn't know Bosco...you suspected something but you didn't know."

"Yeah but I could have told someone what I suspected...I should have..."

"Should haves...could haves...I could have got down from that car like I'd been told and maybe I should have but I didn't. You know why?"

I knew one thing for sure. This wasn't one of those questions you answer.

"Why? Because my job was to help people. That's why I became a paramedic..."

"I thought you were a firefighter."

My comment brought on a huge smile.

"I always did like you Bosco..."

"You say that now."

"Yeah yeah...so maybe I didn't say it then but I did. That's not to say you didn't make life any easier sometimes but you were all right."

"All right?" I said with a laugh.

"Yeah all right. You know I remember the first time I met you...course that was before I heard all about you. It was my first day at the 55...that crazy lady called us about a fire only there was no fire. She just wanted protection or something. They never learn. Anyway...lot of guys there made jokes about me being a firefighter and being a woman and all. Except for you. You didn't say anything like that...no smart aleck jokes...no stupid chauvinistic remarks. I never told you but I appreciated that. I certainly didn't forget it."

"Yeah well I had my moments I guess."

"You're a good guy Bosco...this last year or so...it's been tough...real tough for you but you got through it. That says a lot about you. You could have transferred out of the 55...started over at another precinct but you didn't. You stuck it out at the 55."

"I deserved every comment, dirty look, and back stabbing I got."

"No you didn't," she said getting one of those famous 'you're kidding me' looks. "Don't even go there. You're forgetting I see things from here...not just the stuff you allow people to see. Besides you remember that fire at the grocery store...you and your ma and that little boy. You saved his life Bosco and your ma...you and your ma have something special. If I hadn't seen it for myself, I wouldn't have believed it but I was there. I also saw you with her these last couple days. She depends on you for a lot and things don't always turn out as you'd like them but that's not for sake of trying. I know about Mikey too you know. What kind of life do you think he'd have had without you...without his big brother taking care of him...looking out for him?"

"A lot of good that did him..."

"Bosco I know it's hard to understand but in time, you may see things in a different light He was trying to do some good...he was trying to help people. Yeah it didn't work out the way you'd have liked and certainly not the way he'd have liked. Besides I saw the two of you the night he got his six month coin. He was happy to have his ma there and your dad but there was something more...the look on his face when he looked up and saw you in the back of the room...he was so happy."

"I was proud of him that night."

"I saw that too. You know someday you're going to find that special woman...have a couple kids. You'll make a great dad."

"A couple kids?"

"You never becoming a dad...now that'd be a crime. Look Bosco...what I'm saying is that deep down, you're a good guy and you're a good cop. Yeah you make people crazy and all but that doesn't change the fact that you're one of the good guys."

I looked over at her, wondering what she was seeing.

"There is one thing though..." she began. "Something that I wondered."

"What's that?"

"You always seemed to have a thing for blonds...other than that Sgt woman but we know where that ended up. Anyway, how come you never asked me out? I mean I was a blond right?"

"I always make it a point not to date anyone who could kick my ass."

Taylor found this to be funny. I had to laugh along with her.

"You know there's something I always wanted to do," she continued. "a lot of things really but one thing..."

With one hand on each side of my face, she leaned in, her lips touching mine. As we parted, I caught the look on her face...the raised eyebrow expression.

"What could have been..." she said giggling.

"Past tense again," I said. "Guess that eliminates you."

"Eliminates me from what?"

"Being the mother of those 'couple of kids'."

"Nope sorry...not me. I will say this much about that special woman...you'll know."

"So you're saying you know who she is?"

"Of course but I can't tell you. Look I have to get going. You take care of yourself okay. Don't forget what I said."

I glanced away just long enough for her to disappear. I shook my head for a moment wondering if it might be a good idea to talk to someone after all. Trouble is the most comfortable I'd been at talking with anyone lately had been with two people who were dead. 'How crazy is that?' I thought to myself.

"That's pretty crazy."

Another voice from the past had just answered a question I didn't ask. This from a voice that I knew well.

"Mikey?"


	2. Dreaming of Reality II

Title: Dreaming of Reality II

Rating: PG

Pairing: None

Category: Angst

Summary: Bosco and Mikey after Mikey's death

Disclaimer: Through season five

"Mikey?"

I turn around to find myself face-to-face with my little brother. I was stunned...beyond stunned. I don't think there was a word for what I was feeling as I found myself eye-to-eye with Mikey. My mind flashed back to the one image that refused to leave my mind...the last time I saw him...the horrifying image of his body...

Blinking I fought off the images, shaking my head in an attempt to return to some sense of reality. I reopened my eyes to see his face...more than that...more than just his face. In fact he's just Mikey...the same as I remember seeing so many times before.

"What?" he said, his arms out to his sides, a mischievous grin etched on his face. "You look like you seen a ghost."

I had to laugh at his attempt at humor. It reminded me of myself and all the times I did that same thing to him. After a fight between ma and pop....after they were done yelling, calling each other every name in the book, I'd always say something to try to get him to laugh....to break the tension. Truth is I did it for me too. Making Mikey laugh would always make me feel better too.

"For the record, you were the best big brother a guy could ever want."

"You reading minds now Mikey?"

"What? You don't think I can read you as well as you think you could read me all those times?"

I was still in shock. Standing there not saying a word was kinda proof of that.

"Listen Mo," he said watching a half sad/half happy grin come across my face. It was the combination of hearing his voice...hearing someone call me by that name...Mo...Mikey's name for me.

"I never thought I'd hear you call me that again," I say, confessed my thoughts. It wasn't an easy thing for me to do, especially with Mikey but right then he had me at a disadvantage.

"I know," he said, somewhat solemn. His face reflected what I was feeling. "I never thought I'd get to call you that again. Guess we're both wrong eh?"

"Mikey, I'm sorry. I..."

"For what? For being who you are? For being honest with me 'bout things? For telling me how it was?"  
  
"I should of tried harder to convince you that..."

"You told me the truth 'bout how things were going to go if I started naming people. You were right. I didn't wanna see it. I just wanted outta that place...you know...I didn't wanna face any time in the big house. So I didn't listen just like I didn't listen to you all those other times. This time, I paid the price."

"You didn't deserve to die Mikey...not like that."  
  
"Nobody deserved to die like that...truth is, I didn't feel anything. You gotta believe me on that. I know that doesn't make sense but I didn't. I mean I knew what was gonna happen. It was kinda obvious. I was sitting there, tied up like that and all I could think of was you...and ma."

I closed my eyes, thinking somehow this was going to erase the images of what Mikey musta went through...those last moments of his life...knowing they were the last moments. It's kinda a relief that he was thinking about ma and me. It's hard to listen to this but a part of me needs to know. I need to know that my little brother didn't suffer. I'm trying to sort it all out when something strikes me...ma and me...he was thinkin' about ma and me.

"What about pop?"

"What about him?" Mikey says, just like that. A far cry from the guy who found a way to forgive dad for every stupid, sick thing he did to us.

"No dear old dad stories running through your mind?"

"Nope. I didn't realize it 'til later but no, not one thought about pop. All the images....you and ma. Think that means something?"

I raised an eyebrow, not saying a word. I was hearing a lot of stuff that amazed me. I mean there I was talking to my little brother just as we'd done so many times before....before he'd been killed.

"Guess now I know why right?" he added.  
  
"Why what?"

"One of the reasons why I didn't think about pop at that moment," Mikey paused, making sure I was looking right at him. "You coulda told me."

"Told you 'bout what?"

"The reward money," he blurted out, surprising me.

"You know about that?"

"Yeah, I found out. I know...you playing the big brother role again huh?"

"Yeah...maybe. I don't know Mikey. I mean I didn't figure it was my place to tell you something like that. Look at the past Mikey...at everything dad's done....to you...to me...to ma. None of that mattered. No matter what he did, he forgave him for it...acted like nothing ever happened. Why would this be any different? You'd just look the other way. Me, I couldn't do that...sometimes maybe I wish I could have but I couldn't...still can't. This time, it was more than that you know...turning you in was one thing Mikey but to do it for the money? Truth is I don't know how I could have done it...how do you tell somebody something like that?"

"So is that it? Is that really why you didn't tell me?"

"Yeah Mikey...that's really why I didn't tell you."

He paused for a few minutes thinking about what I'd said...taking it all in before asking his next question.

"So how you doin'?"

"I'm doin' all right...considering."

"Considering you saw me?"

'Yeah' I said only to myself. My head was nodding yes even if I couldn't get the words out. Memories of that day flooded my mind. I attempted to shake them off. My attempts were unsuccessful.

I can't explain the feeling that came over me as Mikey reached out, touching my arm. It sent chills through me. I stood there, just staring at him as memories filled my head.

I remembered when he was learning how to walk...probably one of my earliest memories of him. Mikey wasn't like other kids. He didn't crawl over to a table or a chair. Mikey reached out for me. He'd grab my arm pulling himself up, sometimes almost pulling me down with him. Then he'd hold onto me. I'd take a few steps backwards pulling him along with me. Eventually he'd get to his feet without me. Instead of pulling him along with me, I'd walked behind him with my arms at his sides. At first he'd hold on for dear life. Eventually he'd get brave and let go, walking on his own.

He was running by the time I started school. He and ma had walked me to the door. Ma waved as she backed away, allowing me the space to be on my own while Mikey stood there on the sidewalk, staring after me as the door closed between us. I saw him through the window, his hand still waving at me. I'd waved back one final time before turning to take a seat. I remember that I'd return the favor on his first day of school, waving him on as the door closed between us.

I remember the day ma pulled me out of school to tell me dad wouldn't be living with us anymore. I'd been there when she explained it to Mikey. I'd been brave, hiding my tears until I was alone after Mikey had cried himself to sleep. I'd promised him that I'd never leave him like dad left us. Mikey had been too young to fully understand what was going on and how our lives would be forever changed. We'd all been too young...even ma.

I'd broken that promise when I graduated from high school, enlisting in the military. Unlike my first day of school, Mikey hadn't been there the day I left. There was no wave from my little brother...no indication that he'd miss me...that he needed his big brother. In my own mind, I knew differently. Mikey still needed me just as much as I still needed him.

When I returned home and left for the police academy, I'd seen the worry in ma's eyes. I'd seen it again the first time she'd see me in uniform. I'd seen that same look more times that I wanted to remember and so many times that I'd never forget. By then Mikey was gone...living his own life...making his own mistakes...and doing so all on his own without me.

The day I arrested him had been a day of emotions. I'd been upset...upset that he'd deal drugs was one thing and doing so in my precinct was another matter all together. I'd been hurt...I'd expected more from him. I knew he was better than that. Maybe I'd expected too much of him. Beyond all that, I still loved him...maybe more that day than any before. It was that day that I learned a new meaning of pain. It didn't have to come by way of a hand. It came in the form of a look when Mikey's eyes met mine. And it came in my mother's eyes after she bailed Mikey out. The disappointment she felt for me.

And when he was arrested the last time, I'd been angry again: angry at Mikey for being so stupid and angry at my father for what he'd done to us all. I'd tried to talk to Mikey, to tell him that what he was doing was going to make things worse...that his life would never be the same. I was right. All my life I'd wanted nothing more than to make ma proud of me and to take care of my little brother. That's all I ever wanted. But now Mikey was dead and ma was inconsolable. I'd failed at both.

I can't imagine how many times Mikey'd called out my name before I opened my eyes to see him before me. I knew it was him 'cause I knew his voice, not 'cause I could see him cause I couldn't...at least not clearly. I'd tried to hold back the tears...I'd tried to be strong...I tried to hide my own feelings until I was alone.

When Mikey reached out, touching my arm, I felt chills. I slowly shook my head, taking short deep breaths in an attempt to regain my composure. It was no use. I collapsed into Mikey's arms as the two of us slid to the floor sobbing together.

"Oh God....Mikey...no....no..." I cried out, my entire body trembling.

We sat there holding one another for the longest time. I didn't want to let go. I knew if I did everything would go back to the way it was. Mikey'd be gone...I'd never hear his voice again....I'd never see him again...I'd never hear him call me 'Mo' again. I'd never be his big brother again.

For the first time, Mikey listened to my fears...that I'd lost him...I'd lost my little brother and I'd never get him back...all the time we'd spent apart...all the time we'd wasted not talking to one another...we'd never get that second chance.

Mikey attempted to brush it off.

"That's not true Mo...you know you could never get rid of me...we're brothers...we'll always be brothers....just like you promised. Only now it's my turn to make that promise. We'll always be together Mo...always...you hear me? Always..."

I nodded my head in agreement. Mikey had sounded stronger...more determined than ever before. I couldn't argue with him on this. I needed for him to be right this time. I needed to know that me and Mikey, we'd be together...somehow we'd always be together.

"I won't see you again after today will I?"

"Maybe...I mean you never know. But I promise you something else. Even if you can't 'see' me, I'll be there....you'll know I'm there."

Had I seen that look in his eyes twenty-five years ago, I'd have sworn he was up to something. Seeing it that day, I didn't have any basis to take it for anything but the truth. I had to believe it. I didn't have anything else to hold onto.

Mikey and I never said good-bye. We never waved to one another. There was no real ending to what happened. The next thing I remember was opening my eyes to see a room of doctors standing over me.

Before long I was taken to a room. I didn't get much sleep that night. All I could think about was what'd happened with Mikey. I didn't try to explain it to anyone. Who'd believe me? I mean it was bad enough being stuck in a hospital overnight without them transferring me to the psyche ward for evaluation.

At some point I musta dozed off 'cause the next thing I remember was waking up to find Faith sitting in a chair.

"Hey...you're awake?" she said as she put down the magazine she was reading and pulled her chair over to the bed.

"We talked for awhile. Technically visiting hours were over but they'd bent the rules as long as Faith didn't stay long.

Before she left, she was putting her chair back when she noticed something orange lying on the floor. She frowned as she looked at one side, then the other.

"What is it?" I asked, more curious by her expression than anything.

"Beats me but I think it's a game piece from what's that game....Monopoly..."

"Orange...that's a chance card," I recalled for no apparent reason. "What's on the other side?"

She handed to me while shrugging her shoulders.

I took it from her, glancing at the other side.

"Get out of jail free."

Mikey had kept his promise. He would always be with me and he'd proven that as only Mikey could...


End file.
